Would you be angry if.....
Your husband's relatives are back for about two weeks and he goes out on a continuous basis from Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Thursday (the days that I didn't put in are the days that he stayed at home after forcing him too) and comes home at 4am to 6am in the morning.
And when you tell him off and say that he should spend sometime with you, he says, there are only back for awhile, and once they are gone, he will spend more time with you. He than gets angry about how not understanding you are...and that you should understand that this only happens when they are around.
Now obviously I forgave him with a condition that he comes back earlier like 1am to 2am (and to spend at least two days with me during the week), cause I seriously think that 4am and 6am is way too early in the morning to come home.....don't you all think??? Now, am I being to easy on him???
So, Ladies, if you had a husband like that, how would you feel??? Would you be very angry with him?
And Guys, if you did that, what would your wife do??? Just curious to know what kind of wife I am....
Note that, I'm one hell of a patient person and my problem sometimes can be I'm too forgiving....sigh....but I do really want to know what you all have to say...
We are happily married but sometimes I think its because of all the effort I put into this marriage for it to work....
Now, I'm not saying my husband is a terrible guy, he is great when it comes to giving hugs and kisses (better than before lah) and he's a great dad...but sometimes he just gets carried away....and I don't blame him cause he is the youngest in the family...and I guess he is so use to getting what he wants. I'm the youngest in the family too but I can't act as one in my married life cause two youngest child marrying each other equals to CHAOS. So, I took up the responsibility of being the responsible one in the family. Not easy...but someone has to do it :)
If I didn't than what this guys says would be so true:
Leman warns, “A youngest child marrying another youngest child is a recipe for chaos. Neither of them wants to be the responsible person in the marriage.”
http://www.weddingsinhouston.com/article_show.asp?article_id=83
And then the marriage probably will fall apart...don't you think?
So, I'm working hard to make sure that the marriage works....he is a good guy overall....but probably just have to grow up some more...:). It maybe one sided at the moment but I do believe that God has a purpose of putting both of us together. One is that, he is teaching that patience is a virtue and forgiveness is something very important in our daily lives!!!
That's it from me!!! And do let me know what you would do if you were in my situation. Thanks!!!
7 comments:
I have to let you know that staying out until 4-6am is ridiculous!! Even if he is not your husband, you should not tolerate this sort of nonsense under your roof. From statistic, most dangerous crimes happen during this slot of time. So, stay in and be safe!
Being a husband myself, I would ask myself whether there is any good reason to go out, how do I justify staying out and why should I find it reasonable to stay out so late. Being the youngest is no excuse. This is taking responsibility. Staying at home and wait (even thought sleeping)is the most stressful - I know it. Because when my children stay out late, I find it stressful. I will lecture them on return. Curfew starts at 10:00PM. It is for their own safety.
Being the youngest is just an excuse. This is maturity. When 2 marry, they are now one. They leave home. It does not mean that ties should be broken but rather whatever one does, feeling of another must be taken into account.
Any idea what they are doing until that wee hours of the morning? Doesn't he need to work?
I don't think you are being selfish. You are just normal showing that you still care and therefore, there is much love.
Your husband is well blessed to have you as wife.
By the way, divorce is a tabooed word in a marriage. Never ever mention such a word. Remember that word used wrongly is like a double edged sword which can cut through the soul!
well, I will most probably throw tantrum as well. Daily basis till 4 am is a bit too much to me since he is not spending enough time with you and your daugther. Talk it out dear. He's a man with family so should know that priority comes first when it comes to wife and kids. ;)
William, you are so right....I really find it ridiculous to. But sometimes I tolerate is cause his cousin's are around only for awhile...however I agree tat is no excuse. Working wise, his work is by appointment...so he's time is pretty flexible. I definitely worry most of the time. Divorce is definitely a taboo, that I would agree with you...thanks for the advice...
I think it's ridiculous that he's getting carried away with the whole family coming back deal. It doesn't mean that he's free to play bachelor again. And honestly, I don't think that his family is being very understanding cos they should understand that he has a family and a wife to go home to.
Plus it's not very healthy lah, you know? Staying out so late and all. William is right. It's dangerous. And what is to happen to you and your family is something happens to him?? Irresponsible.
But... boys will be boys. You just have to let him see your situation lor. And it helps if his family understands too lah. Oh, and if you've got mutual guy friends, tell them to advice him. Haha. If a woman says it (i.e. YOU), it'll come off as you being the wife who's being a b*tch about her husband's social life and is ruining the family. But if he hears it from a guy friend, it'll possibly be easier for him to accept.
And you won't get the blame. =p All the best!
Somehow I have to agree alot on most of the comment of being staying out that late is ridiculous. And u have been tolerant with him is actually really wise but with a little more effort I think u can talk him out of it slowly relentlessly.
I use to have a wife who gave me such excuse before alot but of course I hope u won't have to go through what I go through. I meant to say I understand the situation alot and I think slowly hinting him without much pressure slowly would gain his attention....I am sure he is a great person, he would come through.
sileast20, (I obviously know who you are:)) and I would definitely have to agree wth you on that. I think it just takes time. He use to be much worst in many sense before but he has changed quite a lot already. I guess when I married him I kinda knew what I was getting myself into....but like usualy we all expect them to change once married but it just doesn't work that way. I know eventually with lots of prayers, he will change. Like I said, overall he is a good guy...he just needs to grow up a bit more :D Thanks for the advice..and am sorry that yours didn't turn out so well...thanks again!
:) ....U'r family is in my prayer's and good luck.
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