Now, I always wondered (notice tha I've been wondering/thinking a lot these days) why do people get married in the first place? Is it because:
1) They have found their soul-mate??? (Meaning being so madly in love with each other)
2) They just woke up one day and said, 'Hey! Why don' we get married?" (Meaning, 'Hey, since we've been together like forever, why not jus get married?, We've manage to last this long, I'm sure we can last forever!)
3) Opppssss!!! I'm Pregnant!!! (That's pretty forward, don't think I need to explain that)
4) I'm getting OLD!!! (This usually applies to the Ladies!!! Biological clock ain't stopping for no one!)
Now, what I find strange is that, when you're dating, everything is just great! No matter how long it may be...sometimes you quarrel but most of the time you will make up because you don't want to lose each other. But why is it that once you get MARRIED, everything changes??? Is it because you wake up one day (again (the again applies to the person who is in the No.2 scenario)) and realise "SHIT! I'M STUCK WITH THIS WOMAN/MAN FOR LIFE!!!". I wonder whether anyone ever wakes up and say "YES! I'M STUCK WITH THIS PERSON FOR LIFE!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!" You think? I seriously do hope that my husband wakes up every morning and says "DAMN! I'M LUCKY TO BE MARRIED TO JACQ!" Hahahaha....yes I know I'm kidding myself, that only happens in fairy-tales!
Anyway, in marriages there are times when you fight and you wonder why you married that person and then there are loads of other times when you knew why you married that person. Marriage is really a give and take situation. A marriage that is all about WANTING AND TAKING will hardly survive. And if you are one of those people who thinks "Hey! I'm sure I can do better than this (meaning the spouse)" than your marriage will definitely not end well.
There are many times also I'm very sure of, that people will say, "I can't stand my wife, she NAGS and NAGS and NAGS when will she ever stop!" or "My husband is never at home and I feel lonely". These are people who will most probably get a divorce or end up being misreable for the rest of their lives. In this case, they might most probably be having an affair elsewhere. Sad but true! So, why do people get married when they end up hating each other in the end. Why is it so hard to live with the other gender? Why can't there be a COMPROMISE? Well, the ANSWER is, there is a possibility of a COMPROMISE..the question is whether either spouse is willing to listen to the other. In most cases both husband and wife will think they are right and argue to NO AVAIL, AND most of the time, they take the easy way out...and get a DIVORCE... Lawyers these days are seriously getting richer!!! :) And what do they say when they gt the divorce? They say "We have Inconsolable Defferences!" (Yeah too much E! News!...hahaha....makes me wonder why people get married at all, especially celebrities!...at the end they all use the same phrase as a reason for their divorce.)
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at is, why don't people try a bit harder and try to make it work? Why won't both husband and wife be less stubborn and listen to each other for once, and think to themselves, if I was in her/his shoes, would I feel the same as him/her? People should be brought up to have more EMPATHY towards others, than probably marriages will work, that's what i think lah! Mind you, all this that I'm writing is what I think lah...so please don't take it to heart.
For some people Marriage seems to grow on them and they look wonderful together...but the majority usually have problems. I am part of the majority, I don't think marriage is easy....in my first year of marriage...me and my hubby almost literally wanted to kill each other....and mind you, that was the first year, even though we have been dating for four years before we got married. Apparently we found out that no matter how many years you date, marriage is just of a different league altogether! Thank God, we manage to get through the first years of marriage and are pretty contented at where we are now. Now back to the years of dating and than marrying, I'm sure there are people out there who have been dating for 7 or more years and once they got married, they end up divorcing each other in a blink of an eye (of course by law, you have to stay married for at least two years). Sad...but than again there are some people I know who got married within the year of knowing each other and they end up being blissfully married. Strange isn't it? Matching Personalities I suppose....such lucky people! Of course they are probably a minority of 5% or less of our world population. And their marriage is definetly a happilly ever after.....even when the kids come into their lives they still manage to stay sane and not scream at each other (obviously that doesn't work for me...hehee...I'm not perfect). I seriously envy those people!!!
However, after all the crap I've been writing about marriage, I know one thing for sure and that is I'm glad I married my husband..no matter what. We have our ups and downs....more ups now than downs these days....and I believe that all married people should leave by these rules in order to have a successful marriage...(plus the fact that not one of you is gatal-gatal want to try out something new..temptation is always there but if you want the marriage to work, you can always fight temptation). And the Rules for a Happy Marriage are:
1) Never both be angry at the same time
2) Never yell at each other unless the house is on FIRE!!
3) If one of you has to win and argument, let it be your mate (or like I said "COMPROMISE & EMPATHISE!)
4) If you have to criticize do it lovingly (Just like Paula Abdul in American Idol!!! She always seem to be able to compliment on something!)
5) Never bring up mistakes in the past!!! (We all have a tendency to do so, when we have nothing else to say in an argument and still want to win!)
6) Neglect the whole world rather than each other.
7) Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled (usually very difficult to do)
8) At least once a day try to say one kind/complimentary word.
9) When you have done something wrong, be ready to admit it!
10) It takes two to make a quarrel and the one in wrong is the one who does the most talking (probably the one who is bringing up the past!!!)
This one comes from me -
11) Always give your husband/wife time to hang out with his/her friends.
12) Don't be self-centered and only think of yourself. Marriage is always a two-way thing!
13) Learn to accept the fact that NO ONE IS PERFECT!
14) Spend Quality time with each other at least Once a Month without the kids!
15) Always celebrate Birthdays and Anniversaries (never forget ur Wedding Anniversary, unless you want to die! :)), everyone loves getting presents now and than. I don't think I've yet to know someone who doesn't like presents.
So at the end when you really do think about it, whether or not you are soul mates....since you've already married each other, just deal with it...if you want to work it out, you definitely can. You'll be surprise...you might end up being very much in love with each other and ending up as soul-mates even though you were not to start of with! So good luck to those getting married!!! Its ALL GOOD if you want it to be!!!
That's it! All the crap I can write for today! TA!
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