This Blog is Especially Dedicated to My Dearest Late DAD, "I Love You and I Always Will!"

Before I go on and blog about the things i did in KL....I'm dedicating this particular blog space to my dearest dad...he made me who I am today...I wouldn't be what I am today without him...

This is a letter I wrote especially for my late dad 4 years ago. I'm posting it in here for his 4th year anniversary of leaving this earth. Was previously posted in my multiply 4 years back. He passed away on the 4th August 2004 and last Sunday (3rd August 2008) it was 4 years since I last saw him...he's my inspiration in life and he means the world to me.....I miss you so much DAD!!! (Didn't think you would have left us so soon but God knew best and he knew it was time for you to go. After the numerous heart attacks you've gotten over the years, its really a miracle you survived this long and I thank God for that. You've worked so hard all your life and now its your time to rest and take a break. I love you dad and I bet you're having a time of your life in heaven with God).

To my dearest darling daddy,

I really still can't believe you're gone, it's just so unreal. Honestly, I never expected that the night before you passed away would have been the very last time I would see and talk to you. If only I knew, then probably I wouldn't have slept at all. Never in my wildest dream would I have expected such a thing to happen. I knew you had heart problems but in away I was hoping that God will take care of you and keep you alive a little bit longer. I thought maybe I'll have another 5 years or so with you, so that my children could see what a wonderful grandfather they had. Remember the times when I use to joke about how you would spoil my children. I really wish you could have seen them.

So, you really can't imagine how shocked I was to learn of your death. I don't think I was as shocked as the hundreds of other people in church, but shocked enough. I remember that when I got the call about you fainting, in my heart I was telling God, let this not be the last time I see my dad. But it was. And for that whole week, I can't tell you how many times I wake up in the morning wishing it was just an awful nightmare and that when I got out of bed, you would still be there, walking around the house.

The first day of going back to work was really the day that actually made me realize that you were really gone, because I couldn't pick up my handphone and call you to talk to you and hear your voice anymore, which I miss so much. How I wish I could get a phone call from you too, Isn't there a phone in heaven dad? Maybe you could make a long distance call J and chat for awhile. Anyway, not hearing your voice anymore is really painful. I know I should be thankful to God that I had 25 years of living with you, compared to many other children who lost their dads at a younger age, But somehow it was not enough, I think no matter how long you lived, it would never be enough, because you were such a great dad.

Dad, I really do miss you a lot. I miss those lunch times we usually have together and the times when you use to pick me up from work. I miss sitting with you in church during morning mass, and how I wish I could still sit with you again. I miss you conducting in the evening mass choir and I miss hearing your voice when you sing. I miss you laughing infront of the choir when you use to start singing first before it was actually time to sing and how you use to make all the songs a note higher than it actually was. I miss the way you always try to make sure the sound system in the church was working well and the way you kept on asking me whether I can hear clearly or not. I miss the way you always take note of the words that some of the readers could not pronounce, so that you could tell them later about it, because you always believed that by reading clearly and from the heart, the word of God would be proclaim and would be able to touched the hearts of all those present. I miss the way you kept on rushing all of us to get to church early so you could make sure that everything was ready before the mass started, especially during special occasions, where you would usually be around the church compound the whole day preparing for whatever needed to be taken care of. You always wanted everything in church to be perfect because your intentions were to make sure that everyone gets closer to God.

I remember the time when there were people who use to criticize you for doing all the things you use to do in church, saying things about you which they should not say. And I remember telling you to let them do what you are doing so that they know what it is like to be in your shoes. And all you said to me was "Let them criticize me for doing God's work, because it is ok to be criticize for God." As much as you possibly could you were always so positive about people, which I myself have yet to learn. Then again there was this time when you had a disagreement with some people and from what I heard, I didn't think it was your fault. So, when I heard that you actually made the first move to say "sorry", I was actually quite upset and I told you that you shouldn't have done that, that they should have said sorry first. But all you said to me was "It doesn't matter who says sorry first."

Besides that, I miss you sooooo terribly at home. The home seems so quite without you. I remember how I use to go into your room and talk to you and we would joke around with each other, but now when I enter your room, I don't find you there, it's sooooo empty. I also remember the times when I use to come back from work and I use to sit with you behind the house and we would talk about the things that we have both done that day and at the same time you would be doing your crossword puzzle and talking to mommy as well. It's really amazing how you could do so many things at one time. Not only at home but at work too. It was good when you were around but not so good now that you are gone.

And remember father's day this year when you read the card that I gave you and in it, it said that I want you to live for 20 more years, and you said "Wah, so long!" and I said, "Of course!!!". I guess in a way you were always prepared to go back to our Lord and some way or another you knew you wouldn't live that long. I remember praying to God many times telling him to give you long life as you still had so many things to do on earth for Him, but He knew best and He took you home to where you really belong. And honestly, even though I'm sad that you are gone and I miss you so terribly, I am also so very happy that you made it to heaven. You achieved the one most important thing in life, and that is graduating from the University of Heaven with a Bachelors Degree in Pro-Life (with honours). You may never have achieved your goal in getting a degree here on earth but finally you've got one there in heaven, which is ten million times more difficult to get (and I know how badly you wanted one) and I guess it was Convocation time, and that is why God brought you back home to heaven. Congratulations DAD!!! I'm so proud of you! but I wish God would have told me about it sooner, that way, we could celebrate here on earth first, but its okie, when I get to heaven, we will celebrate together, so be patient ya! J By the way, how was the Convocation celebration???

Before I conclude, I want you to know that I love you sooooo much and please do forgive me for all the times that I have hurt your feelings without realizing it. I would also like to thank you so much for being such a loving dad, not only to our family, but to all those children who were around you who needed a father figure. See!!! So loving wan you!!! You had so much love to give!!! and that's why I love you soooooooooooooo much! Besides that, you always made sure that we (your biological daughters and all your adopted children) put God first on our priority list and by your actions we knew that you were serious about it. You always wanted the best for us so that we all could get to heaven one day.

Oh yah! One more last thing dad, please watch over Mom, Me and Jess and pray for us to make the correct decisions in our everyday life. So that in whatever things we do, we will not offend Our Heavenly Father in any way. And did you know that I'm having a fantastic time bonding with mommy, well, I just had to let you know. Many many hugs and kisses.

P/S. You will be in my heart, my thoughts, my everything. And don't forget to save a seat for me up there in heaven. Send my love to everybody up there too.

Love Forever and Ever,

Jacqueline Yee

(Your youngest daughter)